Released on = January 24, 2007, 5:06 pm

Press Release Author = Ed Anderson

Industry = Internet & Online

Press Release Summary = A biblical spoof on the controversy surrounding Indiana
Hoosier basketball Coach Kelvin Sampson\'s recruitment of Eric Gordon, who had
verbally committed to play for Bruce Weber\'s Illinois Fightin\' Illini

Press Release Body = (Bloomington, Ind.) Bruce Almighty, the Sacred One from the
Land Where No National Championship Banners Hang, hath condemned the Prophet
Sampson. Sampson hath approached the Verbally Committed One to see if he wants to
hoopeth in the Land Where Five National Championship Banners Hang.

The Verbally Committed One showeth interest, but Bruce Almighty commands,
"Recruiteth him not for I decree the Verbally Committed One shall never be tempted
again!"

Sampson ignoreth the Sacred One's mandate. He pursueth the Verbally Committed One
from afar and sendeth the Apostle Jeff, who coacheth the Father of the Verbally
Committed One, and the Apostle Ray to pay tribute. The Apostles Jeff and Ray
deliver unto the Verbally Committed One the Prophet Sampson's invitation to visit
the Land Where Five National Championship Banners Hang. Honored, the Verbally
Committed One accepteth.

The Verbally Committed One\'s visit to the Land Where Five National Championship
Banners Hang goeth pretty damn good. He breaketh bread with the Prophet Sampson,
hangeth with DJ, Rat, Earl and Rod and then hoopeth at Assembly Hall. Rumors begin
to swirl that the Verbally Committed One will soon be known as Gordon again and
returneth to the Land Where Five National Championship Banners Hang.

Bruce Almighty is filled with a great and furious anger. He scorneth the Prophet
Sampson and declareth him a heretic. He screameth at Gordon, "Thou shall be cast
from my flock if thou continueth thy bullshit! Why hath thou shamed me so?"

The Sacred One's flock, incensed, gather to take up their enfeebled shepherd's
lament. Scriveners dip quills in ink to crucify the Prophet Sampson for recruiting
the Verbally Committed One. A Painter vows never to put his brush to canvas again
just so he can decry the affront and comfort Brice Almighty in his time of need.
Kneeling together, they silently weep.

Far to the North, in the Land Where Two National Championship Banners Hang, the
Grand Izzo rises to the Alter and publicly denounceth the offense. He proclaimeth
unto the Prophet Sampson, "Covet not the Verbally Committed One and stayeth the
Hell away from my recruits while you're at it!."

From the South, a Tennessean Volunteers a Pearl of wisdom: Recruiteth unto others
as you would have them recruiteth unto you!" On an Oklahoma prairie, a drunken
Cowboy named Eddie swerveth across yet another yellow line and mumbles incoherently.

The ill words spoken of the Prophet Sampson are heard loudly in the Land Where Five
National Championship Banners Hang. The Village Idiot, who long ago abandoned the
Hoosiers, now mocketh the Prophet Sampson by declaring him ill fit to coacheth a
fifth-grade girl's basketball team and a few misbegotten Hoosier Fans question their
faith. Shaken from the chant of "Cheater!" echoing in their ears, those Hoosier
Fans heareth not the truth: The Prophet Sampson doeth not one damn thing wrong in
recruiting the Verbally Committed One.

The Hoosier Faithful, of which there are many across the land, standeth proudly and
firmly behind the Prophet Sampson as he leadeth us on our journey back from the
dark. His way is our way for the Hoosiers to reemergeth and become the Land Where
Six National Championship Banners Hang.

-Ed Anderson

Web Site = http://community.foxsports.com/blogs/EdAnderson

Contact Details = Ed Anderson
9003 Emerald Court
Nashville, Indiana 47448
(812)837-9261
Voodoostew@aim.com